I’ve been reading a history of Ghandi the past few days, and I feel kind of inspired.  It has definitely got me thinking.  This is one man, a single person, who influenced millions by living those principles that Jesus advocated.  Imagine what would happen if we all did the same.  If we all lived selfless lives, focusing instead on improving the lives of others.  When I joined Peace Corps, I thought that the extreme change in surroundings would also produce an extreme change in myself.  However, I have discovered that changing you surroundings does not really make that big of a difference on your actions.  No matter where you live, you have to intentionally change your motives, your thoughts, your purpose in life on a moment-to-moment basis.  And this, I have not done.  I have taken the job of a volunteer and moved into a third-world existence, but I have not stopped living to please only myself. 

After I was robbed, my sister suggested that by staying here, I was acting like Jesus.  Sadly, this is not the case.  Had she either seen or heard me in the few days immediately following the incident, she would have never made that comparison.  There was no compassion for the poverty that had led that man to rob me.  I was not staying because I loved the people I am helping but more because I dreaded returning to the working-world of the US.  I was not staying out of devotion to my work.  In fact, I don’t even know if the work I am doing here is actually going to help anyone.  But I do know one thing:  I have not given it my all.  I have not put the people here ahead of myself.  Even the work I do is to make myself feel like I am accomplishing something. 

But I have decided to change that.  I will make these people my top priority.  I have been meaning to start helping in the school; I will stop procrastinating and actually do it.  I am already working on projects for the artisans, but I will put some enthusiasm into it.  I will go to their houses and spend more time where they live and work.  I will find out if there are other projects in town that I can help out with.  And, last but definitely not least, I will buy a soccer ball and start spending an obnoxious amount of time (by American standards) playing ball with the kids.  Having said all this, I hope you all help me stick to it.

Reading about the lives of Ghandi, St. Augustine, and Jesus has brought together a central idea:  there is something attractive about a life of willing sacrifice.  Something about it draws people in.  Is it that the love they share is so magnetic that we cannot help but crave what they have?  Is it that we see how they shine and we know deep down that this is how life is meant to be lived?  And if so, if we recognize that we should be living as they do, then why do so few actually do it?  If we aren’t following their examples, then what are we following?

One thing Peruvians have yet to master is advertising.  On trips to the market, I find I have no idea which dish soap makes my plates sparkle, which laundry detergent keeps my clothes looking new, or which shoes are the most fashionable.  There are no car commercials, no restaurants vying for your attention between shows, no one telling me which future purchase will bring me happiness.  As a result, I buy a lot less stuff.  It turns out that a lot of what I “had to have” was more what advertisers had sold to me.  The eyes are the window to the soul, and mine were full of those many objects I lusted for. 

It is said that from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, the mind believes, and the body acts.  I was not making it a point to fill my mind with examples of Christ-like behavior.  I was not looking for God’s direction in my life.  I was not interested in God’s opinion on how my life should be lived.  To a very large extent, I’m still not.  But I have recognized the need for that to change.  I also know that it won’t be easy.  And so, I am asking that whoever reads this will pray that God will use whatever means necessary to make that happen.  Although even as I type out that request, my stomach clenches in fear of what that will be.  Whatever it is, I know it will be worth it, but already I am praying for leniency.  As they say, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.